Matt Bushell, You Owe me $12.95

Dear Matt (yes this is being addressed directly to you):

You are a fuckwit. I hate you with all of my being. Oh wait. Sorry, I typed Dear Matt and thought I was writing to my ex. His name is Matt too.

Ok. Let's start over.

Dear Matt BUSHELL, not Ex-Matt the Douchebag:

You are a fuckwit. I do not hate you, but I am annoyed that you are such a difficult person to get in touch with. Because in order to get your mailing address, I had to pay for a service that I don't really want. Now, if this service involved Rob baking me cupcakes, or you initiating #TheHookup, we'd be cool. But it doesn't. It simply involved facilitating a way for me to get your mailing address. Now that I have said address in my hot little mitts, I don't need this service any more. But you know what I forgot to do? I forgot to cancel the service. So that means that my poor, abused, empty bank account got charged $12.95 yesterday. Now I know that to a big, important, bald actor like yourself this may seem like small potatoes. But to an over educated, irresponsible budgeter, state-worker like myself, that's 2 nights of dinner. So needless to say I was a little upset when I went to check my balance yesterday and saw that there was a random $12.95 missing. I cursed you. Out loud. And that makes me sad. I don't want to curse you, Matt Bushell. I want to lovingly stroke your bald head until I calm down and then we can go out for milkshakes. Burger King has a new cupcake flavored shake. I haven't tried it yet, and I only know this because I've spent the past 2 months stalking every Burger King in a 50 mile radius for Twi-shit. But I digress. The point of this story is that if you do not contact me soon, not through your agent, not through a droid-written "thanks for being a fan" letter, I may have to resort to drastic measures. It will be worth the $12.95 if you sign up for a Twitter account within the next 17 hours. Otherwise, I may have to reevaluate my love for you.

With all of my love (for the next 17 hours), your biggest phan,

Meg

P.S. I could blame this on Fire Crotch since she programmed a reminder for me to cancel the service into her fancy little phone, but she's been working 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for like, the past forever, so she's off the hook. Come back to us soon FC!!! We lovers you. Hard.

The Hunt For Alcide

For a howlin' good time, call #MattBushell

So when we started this whole Matt Bushell phansite thing, one of the things that was suggested by Fire Crotch, one of Matt's biggest fans, was that he should play Alcide on True Blood. And she's right...he would make a phantastic Alcide. Read the description below. I'll wait.

Um hello, that's Matt Bushell in a nutshell. You can leave comments on that site, follow @truebloodnet for updates, or write letters to HBO describing how absolutely wonderful Matt Bushell is and how he neeeeeeeeds to be Alcide. For FC's sake. And mine. (I'm too lazy to go find HBO's address and I imagine most of you are too lazy to actually write HBO. But we get an 'A' for effort, right? Right).

True Blood’s wolf hunt has officially begun!

Although Alan Ball confirmed to me over the summer that werewolf Alcide would take a big bite out of the drama’s upcoming third season, the search for an actor to play the pivotal part formally got underway today with the release of the following casting notice:

ALCIDE: Good-looking, rough-around-the-edges, articulate, heroic, and decent, but not what he seems. He gets along well with Sookie. There’s even an attraction between the two. Very strong recurring.

True Blood is also searching for a fortysomething African-American actor to play HOLLIS, a bouncer in a bar. Despite his scary appearance — he resembles an NFL lineman — he’s a nice guy who knows Alcide well. He’s suspicious of Sookie and delivers some unexpected bad news to Alcide about his fiancée, Debbie Pelt.

Finally, Alan Ball is on the lookout for an actor in his 70s to play Arlene’s old-school (spoiler alert) obstetrician.

Production on True Blood’s third season got underway last week, hence all the casting activity of late. I compiled a convenient link round-up below if you missed any of it. I’m generous like that.

Get to the point!

We all have things to see, people to do, and not enough time or tolerance to patiently wait for Rambling-Redundant-Rita to get her point across.  Dave Chappelle had it right: 

Wrap it up, B!

You know what would make the world an easier place to live?  If everyone had to summarize their opinion, conversation, etc. in three sentences, 17 syllables.  What the hell am I talking about?  Haikus of course!!  The ancient artform perfected by the Japanese umpteen billion years ago (give or take) is *perfect* for all sorts of stuff.  It's easy, just remember 5-7-5 and let the poetry flow.

Termination at work?

No longer need you

The Man must line his pockets

Door might smack your ass

Accidentally knocked up your teenage girlfriend?  Tell her angry dad like you're ripping off a bandaid:

I knocked up your girl

But it's her fault for sure

She said no anal

See, now you've got the idea.  Here are a few haikus dedicated to our man of honor.

Reposted with permission from The Twiangle:

It's another weekly edition of humping haikus over at The Twiangle this week. Guess who's up to bat this time (pun intended)?! It's the lovely Matt Bushell (aka Phil Dwyer, aka Phantastic Phil, aka Marvelous Matt, aka Magic Hands).

The Man, Myth, Legend

Matt Bushell started it all

Slide into home, babe.

~RSM

Sent Bella to Forks

Creating our obsession

Thank you, homerun Phil

~ELC

Baseball is his game

Phantastic Phil is his name

Step up to the plate

~RSM

Phantabulous Phil

Under appreciated

Needs Twiangle love

~CFC

If first base is nice

Boobies second is better

Phil can work the third.

~RSM

#TheHookup Flowchart

Click to flowchart to see it in larger glory.

The Hookup

Wow. It's been a busy couple of days for Matt. Well, at least in our world. I may or may not have paid to get his contact info (I'm a h00r like that) and we may or may not have heard back from his agent. That's a work in progress but I'm sure we'll keep you updated. ;-)

But the contact sent RSM and I into a flurry of squees and "Oh my god what do we say? What do we says?" and then led to the discussion of what exactly could come (heh) of said contact. I basically decided that I will befriend our dear Matt, campaign like a motherfucker to get him into Breaking Dawn (Phil goes to the wedding and is in pictures) and then be his date to the premiere. After making sure Matt is taken care of ("given a joyride" as RSM put it), I will seduce a certain scrufftastic British kid and shag him like a wild woman in the bathroom. It's an absolutely plausible plan. And of course, if we're on the inside like that, there is the potential for everyone to get a piece of Twi ass. Thus was born The Hookup.

Here's the breakdown:

I meet Matt. I get Matt to introduce Memory_Jean to Taybait. She makes Taybait howl. Taybait introduces Memory_Jean to Rob. Memory_Jean introduces Rob to me. I make Rob see stars. Rob introduces me to KSlutz. I may have a moment of weakness and but then will quickly introduce KSlutz to RSM. We don't hear from either of them for a couple of days. Eventually, after she unties him and lets him out of the basement, KSlutz introduces RSM to Jacksper. RSM runs her hands through Jacksper's poodle hair and then introduces him to Fire Crotch. Fire Crotch lets Jacksper make her feel all warm and fuzzy, and then convinces him to introduce her the Edi, because she "likes dark chocolate." Because FC is cool like that, she lets Memory_Jean play with JBone (Taybait has served his purpose and she's put him outside). FC also said she'd be willing to take one for the team and do Gil, but at this point I don't think that will be necessary. I'll keep it in as a backup plan, just in case. He's down with the kids and all, so he might surprise her. I'm also willing to do KStew to get to Rob but I think The Hookup as it stands now is a pretty solid plan.

So there you have it. It's a hot mess, huh? If we put our powers towards really important things, I'm pretty sure we could end cancer and world hunger and get all the dogs on the planet spayed and neutered.

Meh...I'd rather have Rob. ;-)

Phil's Phans

Who doesn't love Matt Bushell?  I tell you, Phil Dwyer has phans like no other.  Just check out this avid admirer!

[I'm not sure what's up with the bowtie (I think she was dressing to impress),
and I heard she kept mumbling something about #TheHookup,

be she seems like a nice girl overall.]

And there's a rumor that The Twiangle's Hump Day Haikus are dedicated to Phil this week.

You're my Hero, Matt Bushell!

Did you know that Matt Bushell has a Heroes wiki page?  Yeah, it's kind of a slow day at the Phil Phansite. 

Cut us some slack! This stalking business works easier when you can actually *find* online information about the celebrity. Matt, why aren't you tweeting us yet?!

Check This Shit Out...Newton and Phil Together Again!!!

So our favorite Phil "Guys, I Love You Both But We Have A Plane To Catch" Dwyer and Mike "How You Likin' The Rain, Arizona" Newton are starring in a movie together that is currently in post production and will be released in 2010. Here's the official summary:

In Las Vegas, a city where most men lose their last hope, Dean arrives to discover redemption. Strung out behind him are a series of half-baked endeavors and failed relationships. He has turned his back on everything from the military to Wall Street. Now, in the dingy hotels and bars of Vegas he begins to build a life that, for the first time, he doesn't want to walk out on. He develops unlikely friendships as he builds a raggedly endearing team of "card counters". These men are not characterized by their "genius" or undeniable "con-man" potential, rather they are loyal and hard-working...blue-collar workers with a street-smart eye for detail. This is not the Vegas of penthouse suites and high-rollers, this is the unrefined glamor of every man's Sin City. The story is uniquely told by the normally faceless people behind the scenes: the bartenders, strippers, and hustlers who bond together trying to live the dream in a rough town called Las Vegas. Written by Luthier Public Relations

Sounds like a fucking winner of a movie to me! I may be more excited for this than I am for Remember Me. Ok, maybe not. Sorry Matt. But it's coming in third right behind JawPornfest 2010 (that's what I've renamed Remember Me) and Eclipse.

According to some super secret inside sources, the first trailer will be out in December and you can join the Rough Hustle facebook page here. I started to search through the 435 fans (Seriously...I was number 435! Woot!) of the movie to see if Matt has a facebook page, but gave up after about 30 seconds. Big prize to the first person who can let us know for sure (I'm for serious. I have extra copies of The Precious and I will send you one if you find me Matt's facebook page).

Newton's first line: "This is not my first rodeo, partner." Can't go wrong with that. You can also find out more about the movie at its imdb page, including the inside scoop on what looks to be a fucktastic soundtrack. ha. It's up 27% in popularity this week.

Here's a video of our two favorite humans together on the set. Prepare yourself for squees of epic proportions.



Of course we will keep you up to date on all the latest Rough Hustle news. I'm wondering when the premiere is, because I really, really think that RSM and I need to go.

Phantastic Phil / Marvelous Matt

RSM:  Hello class!

Followers:  Hello, Miss Swiss.

RSM:  Today's lesson is about the letters "P" and "H"

Howdy kids!  This is RSM (Rob's Swiss Miss) and I'm Meg's partner in crime on this Phansite.  Our goal is to lovingly place Matt Bushell onto the pedestal that he so rightly deserves. 

It's been brought to our attention that the twi-love has not been extended to the entire cast of Twilight. For shame! We twi-hards have more than enough love to go around...so it's time to embrace:

Phil Dwyer

(played by actor Matt David Bushell)

(DOB 1/8/1974; Hometown - Framingham, MA)

Hereinafter referred to as Phantastic Phil, Marvelous Matt and/or Phatt.

[Time for Phatt to schlep Renee down to Florida in Twilight - 2008]

[Marvelous Matt playing Pike in Dark Blue "Venice Kings" - 2009]

[Bones - Season 4 - "The Salt in the Wounds" - Matt Bushell as a volleyball coach]

[Matt Bushell as Hobart in Mad Men - 2009]

[Matt Bushell as Curly in Leatherheads - 2008]

 

Also seen in all this stuff, but I cannot for the life of me find pics or much info online:

• CSI: Miami "Rock and a Hard Place" - 2008 (Dan Kirkland)
• Shelter - 2008 (Alan)
• Notes from the Underbelly - 2008 (Cast Member)
• The List - 2008 (Cast Member)
• Criminal Minds "Scared to Death" - 2007 (Bill Calvert)
• CSI: New York "Rain" - 2004 (Marvin Hummel)
• Dark Reel (Bandana Man)
• Headhunter (Scott)

You do all realize we owe quite a bit of gratitude to Mr. Dwyer, right? If not for him bedding down Renee and needing to travel for his minor league baseball career Bella would have never gone to Forks. Never met McSparklyPants. Never brought us the hawtness that is The Cullens. Never give me a reason so say *beefcake sandwiches* incessantly. NEVER LET US HAVE THIS FABULOUS ONLINE ALTER-REALITY!
  
Yeah, so needless to say, once Meg and I successfully track Phantastic Phil down via Twitter, agent, manager (hell - even the phone book or 411 at this point) we expect you all to serve up the appropriate amount of twi-love. He deserves it, dammit!

Welcome to Phantastic Phil's Phansite!

Phil is the hands down the best secondary character in Twilight. Think about it: If it were not for Phil, Bella would have never moved to Forks, never met Edward, and Twilight would not have happened. And we would all be died. (Side note: I am watching Twilight, natch, and the scene where Bella describes to Edward why she moves to Forks is on right now. Truth. It's a sign).



So who's the man behind the Phil? Well, none other than Matt Bushell. He has starred (or has been in) such things as: Mad Men, Bones, Raising the Bar (as the Third Fireman Witness), CSI Miami (2 episodes!), Heroes (A Henchman) and that movie Leatherheads with George Clooney and Jim from The Office.

So you can see that he has an upstanding catalog of work. If you'd like the full listing, check out his imdb page. We have yet to be able to find an address to send him Phan Mail to, although *someone* may have found his home address and phone number in the white pages and *someone* may have tried to call him, but the number *may* have been disconnected. We're working on it, though.

Three Matt Bushell campaigns that need your support:

1. Get Matt on Twitter! #MattBushell
2. Make sure that Matt's role as Phil is renewed for Breaking Dawn.
3. Get Matt cast as Alcide on True Blood (this is FireCrotch's pet project and we support her whole heartedly!).

Ok. That's all for now. Make sure to check back often as we ARE your number one site for breaking Matt Bushell news!