Ninja-Pirate Phil Strikes Again

So we have our first spammer! Well, we're assuming he's a spammer. But deep down in the black recesses of my heart, I've got my fingers and legs crossed that it's Matt and he's trying to be a stealthy ninja.

The first comment showed up under the "Matt Bushell Owes Me $12.95" post. It was just some Chinese characters and some periods that were hyperlinked to a Chinese porn site. Well, I decided to plug those bad boys into Google translate. Our wise sage actually said:

"Walking toward the established goals, it will not get lost."

Alright. Good advice. Then I decided that I should Google-translate his name, which happens to be:

"Nine."

Awesome.

So the second comment showed up under the "Breaking News!" post. This time, Nine must have known we were onto him; he saved us the effort of translating by kindly commenting in English:

"Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them."

Hold up, wait a minute. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? [Well, hopefully not - my mind is a scary place to be without an armed escort. And by "armed escort" I don't mean a skank carrying a shank. Or do I? Moving on...] Could "Nine" be none other than our dear Phantastic Phil, the one and only Matt Bushell masquerading as a stealthy ninja pirate leaving cryptic comments in the dark of night after kickin' back with a good jug o' swill?!

I joke Matt. A lot. But deep down I really love him and I want to be his friend. And I'm sorry, but if you star in a car commercial that airs during the Super Bowl, you're gonna get joked. But wait, let me ask you this: are there any other blogs out there joking on you Matt? No. Nope. Nada. None. We're the only game in town, baby. Do you know how many sites posted something about that cream-puff loser Mike Newton-Welch starring in Rough Hustle? A lot of them. But NONE of them have mentioned that you are actually the real star of the movie. Only us. So despite my tough love, Matt, remember who your true fans are. Nobody loves you like we do, baby!

This is a safe place, you don't have to hide behind "Nine." But if you chose to do so, just know that every time you grace us with your presence, we will know that truth. For now, I will continue to walk towards my goals and keep my words sweet.